"my friends over you"

this summer i've made many new freinds, reconnected with long lost friends and even grew distant/lost a few. i used to be afraid of losing friends, but now it's not so unnerving. shady so called "friends" have taught me that friends come and go and will often disappoint so trust with caution. those who are willing to lie to your face and feel no remorse for their actions and how they've hurt you aren't worth a second of your time so i've learned to just L E T G O. i'm finally content in life with those i surround myself with. but despite the disappointments i've come across, i've realized that the friends i have in my life now are always there for me, which i GREATLY appreciate :D, and i wouldn't trade them for anything in the world <3 :)

this is straight out ridiiiiculous. <3 it

French urban artist Zevs created this amazing exhibition at the Art Statements Gallery in Hong Kong. the dripping logos are SICK.

the finer things in life.

we all go through that stage in life of superficiality.
we want to look cool,
act cool,
hope people think we're cool just for their approval
and try to impress people for the wrong reasons who even may be the wrong people.

i'll admit it. i have been and still am superficial.
i've done things because other people were doing it,
i've given into peer pressure,
i've made some decisions that were below me,
i've acted in ways i regret
and i've realized i've become someone i don't like.
but despite the fact that i've slowly crept deeper and deeper into a shallow life, it feels as if i'm growing as a person and nearing the end of my superficial years (or atleast i'd like to hope i am).

the summer thus far has taught me a lot.
i've learned to open up more,
to hold back less,
to cope better with heart break,
to deal with my mistakes and personal imperfections,
to try be less judgmental,
to not let things get the best of me,
to put my pride aside and apologize
and to realize that things may go wrong but "when one door closes, God opens another."

this summer has also brought many changes.
i've experienced many emotional ups and downs this summer.
i've made many new friends and drifted away from old friends.
i've even reconnected with long lost friends.

with those changes, i've come to a point where i realized i need to re-evaluate my current path in life.
i've realized when i get hurt, it's not the end of the world and i need to get over it.
i've realized holding grudges is pointless. forgive, but don't forget. forgetting is foolish cause you'll never learn.
i've realized that believing in the best of people and constantly giving people the benefit of the doubt is suitable for certain situations. BUT you must be cautious of those you put a lot of trust in because if you trust too much, you'll be blind to the truth, may get walked all over and eventually hurt.
i've realized that there are many more important things in life that deserve your time and attention rather than being concerned about petty things like teenage drama and bs.
i've realized that your TRUE friends will never judge you. if there's tension or drama, they'll confront you about it and not talk to others about it.
i've realized that words get twisted beyond belief and sometimes, people fall for the rumors.
i've realized that holding onto things, people and ways of the past is a complete waste because in life, "the only constant is change."
i've realized that sometimes you just need to let go, sit back and let life take the wheel because sometimes, life takes it's course and you won't be the one steering.
and most importantly, i've realized that i just need to be myself and not be concerned with what others may think. i need to do things for me and no one else.

i'm slowly coming to a place in life where i'm becoming content with myself again. it feels so good to come to the realization of what i need and don't need in my life. the only thing hard is differentiating between what i may want and need; two completely different things. sometimes, you just gotta suck it up and go with what you need because what you want isn't always what's best for you. being able to let go of the bs in life is so refreshing. i know i don't need the drama which is why i surround myself with positive/chill friends who i know are truly good people. researching art schools in the mainland (CA) is motivating me to get focused on school again. i know what i want to do, i just have to find a way to get there to accomplish my goals. all these things put together are slowly but surely getting me back on track. finally coming to an epiphany of the important things in life is so rejuvenating. these are "the finer things in life."

i just hope i'll be able to keep this self-motivation to continue to better myself and grow as a person. the rest of the summer and year will be quite a journey and i'll be ready and waiting for whatever life throws at me.

is the grass really always greener on the other side?

they say that "the grass is always greener on the other side".
is that really true?

just because you think something may be up with the person whom you share feelings with, does it make your suspicions accurate?
he's acting weird. he doesn't call me anymore. he doesn't seem excited to see me anymore. it feels like we have nothing to talk about. does he even like me anymore? and the list goes on.
it first starts with doubt in the other person and turns into self doubt and the loss of self confidence on my part.
did i do something to make him mad? maybe i should call him more often. maybe i haven't done enough for him.
and self doubt quickly turns into more self doubt and second guessing myself. maybe i don't show my feelings for him enough so in turn he doesn't as well.
maybe my shoe laces are untied and i am trippin for no reason? maybe he's just been busy or tired lately from work? maybe i just need to give it time? am i over analyzing the situation and nothing's even wrong? or maybe i'm just simply losing my mind? and so the story goes..

i feel as if this train of thought has become a daily routine of mine. the thought of seeing/talking to him is always accompanied by excitement. and as the day passes, the excitement dies out as the thoughts begin to creep into my head and by the end of the night, i'm filled with self doubt yet again. it's an exhausting emotional roller coaster ride yet i can't seem to get off. then again, "can't" is the impossibility of something happening. maybe WON'T better describes it. "it's an exhausting emotional roller coaster ride yet i won't seem to get off".

i'm not ready. i can't change my feelings for him but i can try to think of things in a different light. i mean it's not like i'm being ignored. but shouldn't i feel special around the person who claims to "like me too much to never hurt me"? maybe he's all talk or maybe he meant it. all i know is that a girl needs some reassurance every once in a while. actions speak so much louder than words. i'm not a psychic and i can't read your mind so you're going to have to tell me what's going on. until then, i think i'll just wait it out.

so again, they say "the grass is always greener on the other side".
well, i think i'll stay on this side for now.

the reason..

I've never been a fan of blogging, but "the reason" i decided to start now is because I've had so much on my mind lately and I needed to find some sort of outlet to relieve some of the stresses in my life; get the gears in my mind turning. Not to mention it caught my interest and might even help pass the time since it's summer. We'll see how this goes!